The Ides of March is (are?) not even upon us yet, and already my inbox is filling up with messages about Autism Awareness Month and the campaign to Light It Up Blue. *sigh*
I was really uncomfortable with the whole April-Is-Autism-Awareness-Month-So-You-Must-Purchase-Blue-Lightbulbs-And-Wear-Blue-Clothing-Or-You-Are-A-Terrible-Mother thing last year, so I basically did nothing. Not because I’m completely against the well-meaning concept behind the whole thing, I’m just conflicted is all. And yes, I DO tend to overanalyze everything.
For example. Let’s talk about these things for a minute, shall we?
Last summer, Vince and I were tailgaiting at Motley Crue. Vince scoped out the partying-est group in the lot and parked right next to them because, you know, he likes to be involved in all the action. We ended up hanging with quite an eclectic group, which included
- several 20-somethings, whose fearless leader was a wild man who regaled us with tales of his frat boy days at Arizona State and smoking pot with his dad. For the record, I do not condone smoking pot with your dad. Your dad should be able to get stoned in peace without having you bumming from his stash.
- a couple of 40-somethings who brought along their 21-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter, who proved to be the most mature one out of all of us, and
- a couple of hefty 40-something dudes who arrived in a minivan
I found it hilarious that the guys parked across from us drove a minivan. Back in the day, you would NEVER have seen a minivan at Motley Crue. It was all muscle cars, Harleys, and police wagons. Sadly, however, this is what we’ve all become: suburban, middle-aged minivan drivers lamely attempting to cling to our disappearing youth by going to see over-the-hill Motley Crue. It’s quite pathetic, really.
These two minivan guys weren’t unfriendly, but they kind of kept to themselves. (I think the wild, pot-smoking, Arizona State guy was a bit much for them. Frankly, he became a bit much for me when he started slurring about how he prefers older women and how he really liked my hair.) The minivan guys pretty much just threw a football around and sat in the back of their open vehicle enjoying their beer without much spectacle.
I was pretty much doing the same thing in my lawn chair, watching the madness unfold around me from a safe distance. As concert time drew closer, the party in the parking lot started to wane. Out of our collective tailgaiting group, the minivan guys were the first to call it, close up car, and head into the venue.
That’s when I noticed the Autism Awareness magnet on the back of the minivan. One of those guys was a member of the club. All of a sudden, I knew a whole lot more about him.
I hadn’t noticed it before because the van was open and the back was up. I didn’t have the chance to talk to him about it at all. But really, who wants to talk about autism while you’re trying to reclaim your lost youth at a rock concert anyway?
Which brings me to this. I don’t have one of those magnets on my car, and I have occasionally beaten myself up over it. On the one hand, I believe in living my life in truth, and autism is a big part of my truth. I’m quite open with people about my son’s disorder. I am not ashamed of it. It is no secret. A part of me feels like I am betraying my son by NOT having one of those magnets. And when I’m sitting at a red light behind a car that does have one of those magnets, I feel a sort of kinship with that driver, who is a complete stranger but also a member of the same club.
On the other hand, our lives are not just about autism. I am more than just an autism mom, and my son is more than just his disorder. I’m a bit uncomfortable with the idea of putting one of those magnets on my car because it projects a very narrow view of us. Plus, it tells complete strangers more about my son than I’m comfortable revealing to possible pedophiles. (For you new readers, my general sense of paranoia is well documented on this blog.)
Also, if I put one of those magnets on my car, my son would definitely notice it and ask questions. I’ve attempted to have the autism talk with him a few times, but he really didn’t seem to understand and came away with the idea that he is different and bad and wrong. I always answer my son’s questions honestly and to the best of my ability, but I’m not sure I want to go down that road with him again right now. I don’t think he’s ready. And I still don’t understand this crazy disorder well enough to explain it to him in a way that would make any sense, anyway.
Certainly, we need to raise awareness. We need to do what we can to educate people who are interested in learning so that we can create a more patient and compassionate world for our children. (Gawd, that sounds sickeningly optimistic of me.) But I am a realist, and I do not expect people to want to learn about autism just because my son has it. I am also a cynic and don’t really see social change happening because of blue light bulbs or car magnets.
Think about it. If I had noticed minivan guy’s magnet earlier, perhaps we could have had a conversation about out children. Maybe I could have learned something, or helped him in some way. But it would have been the two of us chatting it up by ourselves while the party went on all around us. No one else would have paid a darn bit of attention.
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Despite my ambiguity about Autism Awareness Month, and despite the fact that I like to keep a low profile, I have signed on to be a part of my friend Karen’s effort to raise awareness by sporting blue hair during the month of April, provided I can procure a removable blue hairpiece. I told you I am clinging to my lost youth. If you want to join in, read about Karen’s very cool idea here.
© 2012 That’sRightISaidIt.Dot.Mom
Comments on: "Magnets Give Me Angst" (15)
If it’s any comfort, I hate any sticker that “identifies” anything, i.e., breast cancer, baby on board, and especially those dopey cartoon stick figure families including pets. Mr. Price and I make up the most gruesome stories whenever we see those f’ng stick figure families in front of us at red lights. I also noticed they are mostly on minivans and SUVs. Oh wait, you have a mini SUV don’t you? My bad. Own your magnet, sister and add a couple stick figures so we can make fun of you! Rock on!!!
I could write a whole nother post about those stick figure family stickers. I’m not a fan, either. And I really loathe those Baby On Board signs. Unless your infant is a surfer or a trustee of some sort, she is “onboard” not “on board.” As you know, I’m snooty like that.
The magnet on the car thing has always struck me as lip service more than anything else, and I have thought that since the first fish magnet came out. I would like to see less ‘awareness’ and more ‘this is what your peeps with autism need’ campaign. Many kids that I know would love to talk to the kid with autism, but they don’t know what to say or do. Moreso with autistic adults. That would be monumental in terms of acceptance and tolerance. Does that make sense?
I am riding a chocolate high. Sorry, it makes me all tolerant and weird.
Ha!! I could tell you a story about getting flipped off by a driver behind the wheel of a car sporting a Jesus fish!!
BLUE??? I didn’t know know the colour was BLUE! OMG…where have I been! Oish. For some reason I just always associated the puzzle piece. Haaallo!
Obviously by my comment you can probably tell I don’t sport a magnet on the back of our car. Couple of reasons: 1) same as your reasons and 2) my husband refuses to put anything on the back of the car, in fact he asks that the dealers not put their thingy on the car either. HA!
I waver back and forth on a lot of these kinds of issues too. Maybe it’s just that I don’t like to bring a lot of attention to myself…terrified of speaking in public!
Something about going to a rock concert in a minivan…been there…done that too! LOL!!!
Yeah. Autism Speaks has decreed the color is blue, so blue it is.
Rock on with your bad self and your minivan!!
Yeah, it’s weirdly conflicting, isn’t it? I mean, I’m aware of autism. Oh, sweet Jesus, I’m aware. Everyone important in my life is aware. On the other hand, making OTHERS aware: acceptance, tollerance, equality, fraternity, etc. Then there’s the whole Autism Speaks/Light it Up Blue thing. AS is so fricking controversial/hated, blah blah blah.
This is kind of a mess if you stop and think about it. I wonder if other diagnosis that have celebration months (CP is in May) have this kind of controversy.
Yes!! I mean, I’ve seen those magnets for Down syndrome, and I know a little bit about Down syndrome, but I’m certainly no expert. And I didn’t learn anything about chromosomes or basic human decency just because I saw that magnet on someone’s car.
I’ve often wondered the same thing, about if other special needs communities have the same schisms that we have. My sense is probably not.
What a cool story about Motley Crue and the tailgaters! You know, I think you could have a whole book about your various adventures with famous singers… but I digress.
My hair will have blue extensions for April. I will direct people to my blog with a card. That does not mean I know what I will say yet. I’m still figuring that one out. But guess what? Our local PBS station will be taping me getting the extensions and that and little Tootles will be featured in an autism special to be broadcast in late May (yes – after Autism Awareness Month)! I will be directing the producer to the page where I am putting your photos with your blue hair – so GET IT ON ladies (and dudes…)! I don’t know if they will even mention the page or the photos I post but I’m just sayin’…
Also, interesting about the magnet – I’ve always thought the multicolored ribbon was (can I say this?) ugly. Yes. There I said it. It’s not my favorite. No magnet for me either.
For what it’s worth, I support your non-magnetism (?). You’re right, you and your son are more than his disorder, and unfortunately flying the autism flag may prevent people from ever getting to know anything else about you and him. I prefer to give other people the magnets–They are the one who need to become more aware, anyway, right?
I’m ambivalent about this issue too, and don’t sport any identifying tags, logos, or colors on my car. Part of me wants to have that as a way to find others from the herd, but then part of me is like, “fuck it, we’re a lot more than just that word.” So I don’t know what to really think about it. I’m too tired to think anyway, because I just did a meme. And tagged you.
Geez…I’m so out of touch. I had no idea it’s Autism Awareness month. And that is because I subscribe to your sentiment:
“On the other hand, our lives are not just about autism. I am more than just an autism mom, and my son is more than just his disorder. I’m a bit uncomfortable with the idea of putting one of those magnets on my car because it projects a very narrow view of us.”
But, I also agree that it would be so nice to have that feeling of kinship and empathy. AND it would be nice to wake up some of the parents at the school yard who are clearly ignorant. Last night at playland, there was a little boy running around and I was DYING to say to his Mom; “so…your son eh? He’s got a little sumpin goin on, right? Come on, he’s on the spectrum right?” but I did not.
That’s hilarious about the guy saying he likes “older women.” Damn. Love that new category for us. LURV IT. Oh well, whatever.
I would NEVER be seen driving a minivan. Well, not until my 1996 Honda roller skate is finally called to rest and as much as I hate the thought of a car payment, I’m getting way too old and arthritic to hunch in and out of that thing. I don’t think anyone wants a “Brittney Spears” hoo hoo flash from a middle-aged woman in a house coat.
I digress. We’re right there with ya. I’m not bluing anything, putting any puzzle pieces anywhere, or walking anyplace this year. I’m going to get a massage instead. And, I’m going to eat Tasty Cakes while I get it.
I do have a magnet, but just got one last year. I think it’s really b/c I do feel a certain kinship with total strangers when they drive by with one on. I want people to see my magnet, and even if it’s just passing on the highway, know there is someone out there who gets it. It’s like a club. K has never asked about it. She does like to take it off and move it to different places on the car, but has never asked what it says/means. We’ve tried to have the talk, but we just aren’t there yet at all.
I don’t do much. I’m too busy trying to get through the day to actively promote awareness. I figure people who know us, know our journey. I’m not going to advertise. That, and I’m not comfortable with having to explain it to Alex. He knows what he is and to do more, I feel like I’d be labeling him and I don’t want that but on the other hand, I do get the magnet and why people display them. How cool it would have been to talk to that guy??