Atlantic City: Always Turned On

The title of this post is the official slogan of Atlantic City.  A big sign on the Atlantic City Expressway greets with you with this sentiment as you arrive in town.  Seriously.

****************************************************************

I went to Atlantic City again last weekend.

I know, I was just there a month ago, but we went again.  Vince is doing his best to pull me back from the ledge and keep me entertained and distracted.  Besides, it was Friday the 13th, so what better place to go than the second-largest but rapidly declining gambling town in the entire nation??

The last time I posted about going to AC, many of you lamented that you have never been there.  And at least one of you specifically asked for pictures.  Because I lover you all soooo much, and because maybe someone from Fodor’s will see this and offer me a paying gig, I hereby give you an insider’s guide to Atlantic City.  (Note to the Fodor’s people: I don’t do airline travel, so I expect a fully pimped out RV to travel the country in.  Like John Madden.  Or a retired Texan.)

We pulled into town about 7 PM on a Friday, and right there, in the manicured courtyard in front of the J. Crew outlet store, was this:

I guess some of the casinos were “lighting it up blue,” but I never checked because by the time it got dark out my ass was far too drunk for even a stumble down the boardwalk.

.

Atlantic City, like most cities, has a Papa John’s. . . . . . . .

 . . . . . . . .but Atlantic City also has – not one, but two – BABAJAN’S!!

Take THAT, Schnatter, or Schmatter, or whatever your name is.

.

But for the best Italian hoagie you will ever swallow, go here. . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . .as long as you don’t mind waiting in a line that snakes around the block (yes, they are THAT good) or expect a waitress who is less than 60 and DOESN’T have a beehive hairdo.  And, no, this White House definitely didn’t “light it up blue” last April either.

.

If you lose all your money at the tables, don’t fret!!  There is no city in the world where it is easier to hock your wedding ring than Atlantic City.  There are at least three Cash-For-Gold places on every block.  See??

You KNOW you’re gonna get a fair price at any of THOSE places!!

.

Entertainment can be found everywhere in this town, and while you’re here you should try to take in a show, especially if you like no-name comedians and over-the-hill rockers.  Remember the rock group Bad Company??  This guy used to be in it.

And now we all know what the back of my head looks like.

.

Perhaps you prefer entertainers who are more scantily clad.  If so, AC has this place. . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . .for the upscale gentleman who prefers his lap dances with a side of filet mignon.

Or there’s this place. . . . . . . .

. . . . . . .for the downscale gentleman who prefers his lap dances with a side of crabs.

.

I have no idea what goes on inside this place, but I’m guessing safety words are involved.

And there’s plenty of curbside parking, which sure is convenient for anyone too sore to walk very far at the end of the night.

.

And now you all know why I loooove Atlantic City so much!!  Well, for all these reasons, plus you can drink on the beach. . . . .WITHOUT A BEACH TAG!!

Summer vacation season is right around the corner, people.  You know you wanna come here.  You know you do.

I leave you with one word of caution, however.  If you do decide to grace this beautiful city with your presence, watch out for roaming herds of bachelorettes. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .because those bitches are EVERYWHERE.  And they are dangerous.  Just look at those weapons on their feet.

(Tip for the inexperienced AC visitor: You can tell the difference between hookers and bachelorettes because bachelorettes travel in packs.  I won’t make that mistake again.)

© 2012 That’sRightISaidIt.Dot.Mom